I can see clearly now

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.

It really is going to be a bright, bright sun-shiny day.

I still have no idea where God is leading me, where I'm going, where my already-determined path will lead me. I still have the yearning, the longing for more. In fact, not a lot has really changed since my last post, in the day-to-day of my life.

Except.

Except I realised that God has a gift for me. It was like I realised I have this box in front of me, this wrapped box, a gift from Him. And I was afraid to unwrap it. I was afraid if I did, if I opened it to see what's inside, I would be afraid of what was there, of what it might require of me, that it might actually hurt. Then a very dear friend asked me why I was afraid, because God's gifts to us are only for our good. This made me question how much do I trust God, how much do I really trust Him, to keep me safe and protected, even when it does involve pain. I mean, I know I trust God with my life, no question about that, but I wondered if that was an almost intellectual thing, despite my experiences with trusting Him in the past. I then realised (this was a period of revelation, lol!) that when I had trusted Him, it had never actually involved my heart in any fashion, conscious or otherwise, I'd not been a position to have to before.

So.

With all this whirling around in my head, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tore the corner of the box. And then just left the remaining unwrapping in God's hands, handed it all over to Him, surrendered my heart to Him and His plan, I took a step off the edge and trusted He would catch me, or I would fly.

Now, I'm flying.

Like I said, nothing has actually changed. Nothing is better or worse. Nothing is different. My life is the same as it was when I sat here 2 weeks ago and wrote the previous post. Except it is. Different. I've learned, again, that God will never fail me in anything. He loves me, He knows my heart, He wants my heart to be for Him, and if I just trust Him with that, if I just close my eyes and unwrap His gifts even without knowing the outcome, He will keep me, protect me, love me. If I continue to trust in Him, live for Him and His glory, through any circumstance, I will be fulfilling His purpose for me, doing what He wants me to be doing for His glory. That is why these times of my life are 'worth it' - not for my benefit, for my gain, but for His, for Him and His kingdom. His strength is made perfect in my weakness and His grace is sufficient for me - He may never take from me what I perceive to be the thorns in my flesh, I may end up with more 'thorns', but ultimately, that doesn't matter, for His word is full of promise:

'Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.'
(2 Corinthians 12:8-10)

At the moment, I feel such peace, such grace, such covering and protection from God, I can feel His wind under me, making me fly, and apart from the fact that I know He loves me and only wants His best for me, I really don't know why. I have such conviction in His plan for me, His plan to further His glory and His kingdom. I will continue to look for Him, to really seek Him, to trust His promise to me

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity...
(Jeremiah 29:11-14)

His promises, His plans are far beyond my comprehension, the unknown of my life is far beyond my grasp. But today, that doesn't matter. I'm learning that each day is a gift from Him, a present to be unwrapped, that the true gift is the lesson of His love inside the box, whatever form it takes. Today, I sing, and I fly and I love.

"Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice"

("Majesty (Here I Am)" Delirious?)